The Mask Of A Gay

Today I got asked if I am always so loud and “gay…” 

Erm.

Well, no.

I’m actually pretty reserved, depending on my company.

So around different groups of people do we merely behave differently or do we put on a mask to hide our inner self?

Now obviously for the raging queens in the population (you know who you are) there’s going to be a difference in the way you act between mincing up and down Eberle Street and when you make your nan a brew but would the real gay please stand up…please stand up…please stand up etc etc.

For example we have a lad who struts round thinking he is Queen of the Scene. Hard to narrow it down in Liverpool, right? He shakes his arse at every oppurtunity, a smile can quickly turn into a snarl and has more makeup on than a drag queen getting ready on ket. But is this boy always an egotistical mincer or does he go further than his mask of Mac Studio Fix facade? I guess he is a classic example of Beyoncé Vs. Sasha Fierce. A person that is a mix of elements of who he is and who he strives to be. 
So why the mask, why not just be who he wants to be without caring about how he is perceived? 
Maybe an old insecurity would explain the need to cover the face with foundation and a cheeky contour. No matter what One Direction say, we DO need makeup to cover up and being the way that we are is NOT enou-ou-gh…
Or maybe it’s the need to be as close to perfect as possible. Comparing himself to other gays because of their flawless skin or tan - regardless if it’s natural or courtesy of a 9 minute holiday in Costa Del Kirkby.
Does he become loud in circumstances he feels more at ease due to being shot down elsewhere to crave every ounce of attention he’s previously lacked or is he just someone who wants to be the centre of attention due to jealousy of the others around him?

I don’t think there is one defining reason why people feel the need to put on a mask to society, but a combination of elements that contribute to what makes the person who they are regardless of which of their personalities is showing.

I guess no one will ever know who the real gay within is here until he finds himself and shows his interior, exterior.

So I know all your gossip girls are wondering who this gayboy is…

Answers on a postcard and may the best gossip…WIN!

Why is U far away from X on a keyboard?

When I set out to write this blog, my intention was to create a blog based on anonymous but factual encounters in and around the gay scene combined with some light hearted humour. 

This past week has given me a reality check on my own personal experience of gays; whether or not a blog is the best way to confront the past, only the future will decide.

I have given my heart completely to two people. I’m the type of person that once I commit to someone, I will do all I can to ensure that the bond stays strong by confronting issues head on, discussing problems and doing the utmost I can to make my beau happy. Now call me crazy, but to me this sounds like common sense?
Unfortunately, not to some people. 
Doing this has resulted in me doing numerous things for love, some good and some bad. 
Moving hundreds even thousands of miles to be with someone for weeks, months and sometimes years apparently does not show enough commitment.
Cutting every other homo out of my life does not show dedication.

Now this post is not to make me out to be some kind of martyr or woman in white because lets face it, we’ve all done things we’re not necessarily proud of; and when thinking about this topic, my intention was to be brutal and broadcast some home truths of my own about my past relationships, purposely to hurt each of my ex-boyfriends. But then I thought, what is that going to achieve? 

An ex is an ex for a reason.

People deal with break-ups in different ways. Some opt to remain friends, others attempt to ruin each other’s lives; I prefer closure.
By closure I mean cleansing myself of all feelings either by starting a fresh with that person and building a friendship or closing the door to that chapter of my life forever.

With both of my previous relationships I have attempted to start a fresh. Block off any feelings no matter how difficult that is and not turn the love I had for them into hate. The occasional message; the odd Facebook comment; even a friendly hug and hello on a chance encounter.
This made closure for me extremely difficult. Seeing how quickly they were able to move on but still I persevered.

Until this weekend I can honestly say I’ve never had complete closure with either of my ex-boyfriends.
I guess it’s not until you find out that one of them cheated on you while you were metres away and the other still to this day publicly slates your existence, that all remaining feelings cease to exist.
When I found out both of these things only hours apart, that the only two guys I have ever loved basically shit all over the memories we shared and the time we spent together, I felt anger. No sadness involved, just the feeling of wanting to rip their crooked dicks off.
But then after a nice session of Whitney Houston (R.I.P, she loves you girl!), a Marlboro Light (or 10) and a Gin, Lime and Lemonade (hold the ice, rim the glass); I felt nothing.
No anger.
No pity.
Nothing.

I don’t blame them for doing these things as clearly they had/have their reasons, but one thing is fact, they will never find anyone who was as dedicated to them as I was. Even at times going months without as much as a kiss but still remaining loyal or denying people the chance to treat me right all because of how sickly loved up I was.

For anyone feeling resentment or emotionally similar to what I’ve experienced, go get some change and call someone who gives a fuck…
Jokes…
In the end you will get the closure you need. Whether that’s in the way I found it or you may find your own way. Just remember, an ex is an ex for a reason.

I got one final note to my past…

TRA!  

Antisocial networking?

A lot of gays take to social networking to not only meet others of the same species but to look for a quick thrill - sometimes as quick as “come in, drop your pants, blow your load, tra.”

I remember the days when social networking sites were as innocent as a cheeky bulletin on MySpace asking for PC4PC on your new topless profile picture or simply to be whored out for new friends.
So when did social networking sites evolve into a place to be literally whored out, fulfil sexual desire or even acquire a stalker?
Or has social networking always been the same and the older you become the more apparent you become to it?

Let’s delve into this a bit deeper…

MySpace. Summer 2006.
A naive 16 year old boy still very much in the closet started to receive messages off what can only be described as a middle-aged, lonely heart who happened to be tragic and have a vagina - ‘nuff said. 
When the messages started to become constant and graphic, the boy got worried and blocked her.
Messages then came from various other profiles off the same cougar…
Then a message from an unlikely source…
A certain soap star, also in the closet at that point (apart from being bummed against a bin in Canal Street) was also receiving messages from this broad.
The Narnia gays then chatted briefly via msn…
Then the webcam sessions commenced…the soap star’s dick was fucking huge (apparently…)
A meeting was made and as they say in Mamma Mia DOT DOT DOT ;-)

Another place the gays frequent for a bit of “networking” is Grindr. When I first heard about this app I choked on my coco pops. It was described to me as an app for gays to meet other gays and know each other’s exact whereabouts down to a metre or 2 (depending on your network provider.) Harmless right? Then I downloaded it…
So far, so good. The odd compliment, the odd “hi”, the odd pervert - pretty standard for gay social networking yeah?

Grindr. Winter 2011.
A chilly December night, whilst enjoying a bottle of the finest Rosé that gaytown can offer with the gays, a message was received offering cash for services. Harmless enough, bit of extra curricular activities like car washing or cleaning windows. Sound.
Turned out to be more using a plate as a toilet for £300 then leave. Ermmmmmmmmmm what? At least provide some Andrex and a shower after!

Fitlads. Winter 2011. (Tis the season to be kinky. Apparently.)
Countless messages being sent to gays all over the county to meet up in Birkenhead park for a cheeky foot massage, lick and bite for £30 an hour (I was lucky and got offered £70. CHA-CHING if you’re into that kind of thing!)  
The guy sending these messages is certainly well known over the local scene, unfortunately for being pretty tragic and having a foot fetish. Obviously the majority of people declined, if not due to the strange nature of this job but maybe the cold weather outside. The creep was very considerate when it came to the conditions outside though and started to offer the duties to be completed in a bed, not just any bed though, his effing nans bed while she watched Deal Or No Deal downstairs.
WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!

A final example of the strange and wonderful world of social networking is one that will go down in history as one of the funniest visions that has entered my mind, sadly as always this is based on fact.

Grindr. Winter 2012.
A wee gay was sitting in his crib browsing through his messages on this god-sent app when he received a request off a boy (who was bringing sexy back) to go to his for a cheeky cuppa. A nice brew with decent company who happened to be just round the corner? BONUS. Maybe even a cheeky jammy ring too! 
So the lad set off for his social gathering, up the lift and towards the appartment. He noticed a keycard on the floor with the flat number written on. “Strange” he thought but proceeded to let himself in…
He opened the door and saw a light on in a nearby room…
Poked his head in…
The sight on arrival is one that will haunt him for the rest of his life.
The Justin Timblerlake lookalike was on all fours, blind folded, naked and gagged with an apple in his mouth. All lubed up and good to go.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?!!! Yes it’s a tragic thought.
What would you/could you do?! The lad of course ran…
Least he got his sticky ring…

So has networking always been so antisocial? I genuinely think it has but until you start to become more confident in your sexuality and explore a bit further than good ol’ Facebook, you’re not gonna come face or even ass to face with the weird and wonderful creatures out there. 

A few tips when meeting up with a stranger.

1. Always tell someone your exact whereabouts in case of emergency.
2. Look both ways before you cross the road.
3. NEVER cum up the bum, always aim for the tum. Har har har.

What is the cost of a reputation?

Whether intended or not, being on the Liverpool gay scene and more than likely any other scene, automatically gives you a “reputation”. 

Now this could be a reputation for being a good dancer, being a baggy arsed whore or even having too many STIs (we won’t go there…not yet.)

It dawned on me one Thursgay night whilst mincing through the crowd at a regular Liverpool haunt. Everyone was dancing in their little cliques and as one gay shuffled past, the whole clique would turn their perfectly groomed heads (which could only be described as satsumas with weaves) to either snarl or acknowledge that particular gay.

So I asked myself, does being on a gay scene whether constant or on the odd occasion give you a reputation? And for that matter, does the reputation that the gay is given always show what’s actually inside? - Not literally, piles are not a good look.

The first scenario is a boy who physically resembles an angel; blonde hair, pale skin, blue eyes. To all his friends and to the scene queens, butter would not melt in this boys mouth…It is a shame that instead of testing that fact with butter, he was too busy swallowing a more salty substance for considerable amounts of cash.
Now I’m not one to judge people who sell their hoops for cash, HOWEVER it does make you question who this boy really is, and why the front he has to his public as a naive prude is the complete opposite to the reality of a prostitute with regular clients.

Another guy is the complete opposite to the previous, he is one of a rather flirty nature. He shakes his thaaaang all over gaytown, flirts with everyone who crosses his path and can cause murder with one look. This is perhaps why he has gained a reputation of being a “slag”, “home wrecker” and “cunt”. Though in reality, this is really just a girl who wants to have fun and by fun I don’t mean the ‘LETS MEET FOR A QUICK SUCK AND BLOW’ type fun. This reputation is simply a case of someone who wears their heart on their sleeve/arse and falls for someone with the blink of an eye (or the drop of a pair of aussieBums…)

The final example of a gay with a reputation; someone who was sussed early on by everyone they came face-to-face with to be the lying, slutty, mindfuck they actually are. They tried and tried to change this reputation by getting boyfriend after boyfriend, proposing time and time again (much to the amusement of their “fiancé” and everybody else) and even moving out the city to maintain a sense of self respect. Unfortunately no matter what this wee leprechaun did/done/does, he will always be the boy who was born slightly tapped, no matter where in the world he is.

So to answer my own question, what is the cost of a reputation? The answer is people will always have an opinion on you; whether that is in school, work or in this case the gay scene… A reputation is merely a mass produced opinion that is usually based on hearsay. It doesn’t matter if you are the most prude of gays or the bike of the scene, one opinion can take you to the top of the gay social ladder (or land you in the gutter next to the ket-rats in shaggers alley.)
The cost of your reputation could decipher where in the club you end up dancing to “I Will Swallow Him” next week…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7g9WjcGdxuM

*face*

Does size matter?

Or does hitting the nail with a hammer, simply, well, “nail it”?

You often hear comments such as “THE BIGGER THE BETTER!” or “More than a mouthful is a waste!” but what are the actual hard and soft facts when comparing size and performance? - puns intended.

Are the people wanting it bigger and bigger simply needing to fill a hole in their - well - in them? Are the boys chanting “it’s not the size…” just diverting attention away from their less than average member?

There was once a boy who was certainly bigger than average.
He had amazing arms, ridiculous abs and massive legs. He was constantly exercising and improving his body.
It’s a shame an exercise could not boost the strength or size of the one in between his legs.
Now whether this was down to his supply of steroids or whether natural, who knows? Either way hearing the words “Get it in!” for him to reply “It is.” was not a nice thing for him to hear.

Another guy was aware he wasn’t blessed with an impressive disco stick, but his chat and confidence could make even the baggiest of boys believe they were going to leave the experience satisfied.
There’s a saying ‘if the boot fits…’ There should be one, ‘if the condom fits…’
The egoist was mortified.
To add insult to injury, getting pinkeye a few minutes later and then having his friends find out via Frape could only have damaged his ego and reputation even more. Oops.

In previous experience, it’s not necessarily about having a big nail. What’s the point of a big nail if the hole it’s filling doesn’t allow it to touch the sides? No one is going to benefit that way! Whether you add a toy or in one case, a hand and a toy? (The top ended up with cramp and the bottom just the realisation that he was a baggy arsed tart.)

NEXT!

One final experience may not necessarily be down to size, could of well been nerves.
With my hot dog I love a bit of sauce.
Grabbing a hot dog and within 10 seconds having the condiments everywhere? Not ideal.
2nd time’s a charm? This time even quicker.
3rd time lucky? Definitely not.
Nerves maybe or definitely a problem that needs addressing.

My personal opinion is that size does not matter at all providing you can actually go the distance and provide a service that will not have Mary Portas in a flap.

Once a cheat…always a cheat?

For some reason, cheating in the LGBT community is not only more common than in Breederland but no longer seems as taboo. 

It dawned on me last week when I was mincing round town shopping for generic “gay” clothes and humming to Britney - not a life choice but a religion. Generic obviously being chinos and a plain tee… Seriously fashionista’s how many of the 6billion+ population can actually be original?! Everyone would end up with very similar clothes.. We can’t all dress like Lady fucking Gaga or the pope……

So yeah, as I was walking towards Primark for my size 6, plain white tee (£3 from the women’s section and gives a fabulous shape!) My eyes drew me to a “cute,” gay couple laughing away and sickly “loved up” - I use a lot of pointless punctuation but if you act “…” out with your fingers as you read, it gives a more fulfilling “effect” ;)

After realising who it was I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically and call my GBF [gay best friend]. 

Not only was ONE of these queens hiding something, they were both secretly sleeping around behind each others backs.

Using a Grindr profile without a picture…how “imaginative”.

So the question I asked myself, if both are happy sleeping about and are happy on the surface of the relationship, is cheating justified or are they both just a pair of slags?

One couple spent a lot of time apart and one had the urge to satisfy a physical need. Because the need was just physical does that mean because of the lack of emotional contact, it was really worth that possible chance of getting genital warts like certain members of our gay scene…

Another couple’s sex life diminished during their blissful relationship and a certain boy went elsewhere for a “sexual fix” from a skank who meant “nothing”. If nobody knows, nobody gets hurt…? Being honest in most gay scenes, the chances of someone not finding out is pretty slim, that’s why I date outside my gay scene ;)

What defines cheating? Is it physical activity or does flirting or even thinking about someone else make you a cheat or at least put you at the start of the Rainbow brick road, leading you to Cheating City. 

Does going home with someone without any intention put you in the cheating category? No probably not but depends how jel your fel-la is.

My personal opinion is if someone cheats, their relationship is obviously not as happy at it appears on the surface and not fulfilling them completely. Whether this justifies cheating or not depends on the individual and how they handle it. A relationship needs complete honesty and if the gay cheating has a conscience then this could prove tricky business going forward in the relationship. If they tell their boyfriend then anyone in their right mind would dump their fella. If they don’t they will have this looming over them for the rest of their relationship. 

If the boy doesn’t have a conscience and they get away with it they will more than likely cheat again. Once a cheat, always a cheat.

Anyways, off out in my size 6 jeans and plain white tee…keep it queer, tra x

Let’s Start…

…at the very beginning, a very good place to start - or so some nun sang.

Being a gay in the city began back in 1990 when I popped out of my mother’s vagina singing Cher.

21 years and many an experience later has led me to share exactly what goes on in the life of a gay in the city…